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Noisy fire truck sirens outlawed as kinder, gentler sirens sweep country

Blaring, wailing sirens are being replaced with a polite request to move

News Yearly

NEW YORK — After a five-year study, a leading research group has concluded that loud, blaring sirens on fire trucks are ineffective at getting cars to clear a path. On the heels of this study, NFPA is rolling out a new standard for apparatus sirens.

The new standard does away with the familiar wails, chirps and screams and replaces them with a soothing British aristocratic voice that nicely asks motorists to please move aside.

"In an age where people are exposed to persistent shouting by everyone from radio shock jocks to Bill O’Reilly, the standard blaring siren no longer has an alerting effect," said lead researcher Gottebie Kiddenme. "With the success of Downton Abbey, we figured the public might respond better to a gentler tact from a bygone era of civility."

The first generation of new sirens will cycle through four politely spoken requests:

  • "Excuse me, pardon me, excuse, pardon me, pardon, pardon."
  • "Oops. Sorry, sorry, can I just slip by?"
  • "So terribly sorry to inconvenience, but coming by on your left."
  • "Can you scooch just a bit that way? Thanks so much."

The second generation of polite sirens will feature native language translation capabilities, allowing firefighters to more elegantly communicate via the public address system, allowing them to deliver more pleasing requests for assistance.

For example, an officer may grab the microphone at a particularly busy intersection to get the attention of a motorist. If the officer said, "Hey you f*$@ing idiot. Move your a@$ out of the way," the translation would be, "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, good sir, in order to avoid an almighty palaver, could you please budge out of the way a tad? Thanks so much, toodle-pip!"

The developers have hired the voice actor Anthony Daniels, best known for his work as C3PO in the Star Wars series, for the new system. They had initially tested the system with Denis Leary in hopes of getting more firefighter buy-in on the new sirens, but found that more people were inspired to aggressively chain smoke than comply with instructions to clear the road.

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David McCrady David McCrady Monday, April 01, 2013 7:59:33 AM What an idea!!
Joe Moran Joe Moran Monday, April 01, 2013 8:07:06 AM Welcome to our world Dave!!
Bostin Bob Bostin Bob Monday, April 01, 2013 8:09:27 AM April Fools joke maybe....
Fred McCrady Fred McCrady Monday, April 01, 2013 9:13:02 AM I think a missile launcher would clear the way much better.
Craven Moorehead Craven Moorehead Monday, April 01, 2013 9:56:06 AM This has gotta be an April Fools prank - LOL!
Shawn Donald Shawn Donald Monday, April 01, 2013 10:04:16 AM OMG you got to be kidding me.
Luke Greenwell Luke Greenwell Monday, April 01, 2013 10:04:46 AM April fools
Burnie Yoho Burnie Yoho Monday, April 01, 2013 10:08:28 AM lmao
Richard Stratton Richard Stratton Monday, April 01, 2013 10:08:45 AM Good one
Sean Corrigan Sean Corrigan Monday, April 01, 2013 10:09:24 AM Check this out....this is a MUST READ for today!
Corey Shultz Corey Shultz Monday, April 01, 2013 10:09:37 AM Haha almost got me.
Ivan Dockery Ivan Dockery Monday, April 01, 2013 10:10:02 AM Sounds like some people in the world are cry babies that's our was to worn people where coming throw.
Sam Epstein Sam Epstein Monday, April 01, 2013 10:10:12 AM Has to be An April fools joke!
Alex Sohrweide Alex Sohrweide Monday, April 01, 2013 10:10:37 AM this is got to the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Jason Daniel Dougherty Sr. Jason Daniel Dougherty Sr. Monday, April 01, 2013 10:10:57 AM Totally not!! April fools
Andrew Fox Andrew Fox Monday, April 01, 2013 10:11:27 AM I agree gotta be an April fools
Sheri Caelwaerts Sheri Caelwaerts Monday, April 01, 2013 10:11:35 AM I think it's an April Folls joke.....;)
Corey Stafford Corey Stafford Monday, April 01, 2013 10:13:31 AM Yeah right, this sure as hell will not work. Gotta be an April fools joke.
Alex Sohrweide Alex Sohrweide Monday, April 01, 2013 10:14:13 AM Sheri Caelwaerts i hope so
Ima Crowder Ima Crowder Monday, April 01, 2013 10:15:50 AM People wouldn't know what to do with politeness. Good try though. Hahaha
Dave Ewing Dave Ewing Monday, April 01, 2013 10:23:39 AM good April's joke. HAHAHA!
Glennon Mayer Glennon Mayer Monday, April 01, 2013 10:27:17 AM Hope this is April first joke but I sort of agree with Fred McCrady, a rocket launcher would clear the way a lot faster.
Carl Vanhorn Carl Vanhorn Monday, April 01, 2013 10:40:19 AM This better be a April fools joke
Octavio Quinones Octavio Quinones Monday, April 01, 2013 10:45:35 AM hahaha.. good one
Burt Struble Burt Struble Monday, April 01, 2013 10:47:48 AM that was the funniest thing i ever read...excuse me sir kindly move lol
Mary Moriarty Mary Moriarty Monday, April 01, 2013 10:50:57 AM Ah, can you pretty please get out of my way? Hahahaha!
Joe Hardiman Joe Hardiman Monday, April 01, 2013 10:51:24 AM New York Version: I'm Drivin Here! I'M Drivin Here! I'm Drivin Here!
Marie Wyar Simerly Marie Wyar Simerly Monday, April 01, 2013 10:54:21 AM What are kinder, gentler sirens?!
Diana Capen West Diana Capen West Monday, April 01, 2013 10:58:47 AM Too Funny!
Mary Moriarty Mary Moriarty Monday, April 01, 2013 11:00:13 AM I would laugh if there were some... LOL!!!
Kurtis Cook Kurtis Cook Monday, April 01, 2013 11:04:41 AM WTF? Good April fools joke.
Karen Corrigan Karen Corrigan Monday, April 01, 2013 11:07:13 AM Actually, it was Gottebie Kiddenme
Peter Crum Peter Crum Monday, April 01, 2013 11:08:09 AM THe Lead Reseachers Name Is "Gottebie Kiddenme" definitelY A Joke
Susan McHone Susan McHone Monday, April 01, 2013 11:19:43 AM Bahahaha hsha
Donald Zenns Donald Zenns Monday, April 01, 2013 11:35:12 AM If it wasn't New York, I'd assume it's an April Fools prank, but being New York who knows.
Shawn Donald Shawn Donald Monday, April 01, 2013 11:42:36 AM Marie Wyar Simerly hey would say stuff like this The first generation of new sirens will cycle through four politely spoken requests: "Excuse me, pardon me, excuse, pardon me, pardon, pardon." "Oops. Sorry, sorry, can I just slip by?" "So terribly sorry to inconvenience, but coming by on your left." "Can you scooch just a bit that way? Thanks so much."
Claude Kerley Claude Kerley Monday, April 01, 2013 11:49:06 AM April Fools day...
Harry Perry Harry Perry Monday, April 01, 2013 12:05:57 PM Haha... It's hilarious, I had to read it twice. It's April fools for sure... "Lead researcher Gottiebee Kiddenme"... Lol uh-huh sure.
James Grant James Grant Monday, April 01, 2013 12:08:21 PM I can't believe what I read,a Federal Q2B and air horn with trumpets will move anything,I'am surprised the Brits don't get out of there trucks and just asked people to move,now you can see what kind of people are at NFPA!
Donald Zenns Donald Zenns Monday, April 01, 2013 12:13:13 PM If you go to google and put in the "Lead researcher" name, Gottiebee Kiddenme, you get nothing, and it's says under the did you mean, you get Gotta Be Kidding Me and Gotta Be Kitten Me.
Jonathan White Jonathan White Monday, April 01, 2013 12:20:30 PM Arpil fools joke has to be
Ron Anderson Ron Anderson Monday, April 01, 2013 12:28:37 PM Sirens do not work all the time either. Use the bell more.
Jonathan Van Orden Jonathan Van Orden Monday, April 01, 2013 12:37:16 PM Uhhhhh......:: how about no.
Derrick Leflore Derrick Leflore Monday, April 01, 2013 12:50:07 PM This can't be for real. This has got to be a April fools joke.
Fred Stewart Fred Stewart Monday, April 01, 2013 12:52:05 PM LOLOL Nooooo
Ryan Hendershott Ryan Hendershott Monday, April 01, 2013 12:55:49 PM April 1st.
Mark Tagliaterra Mark Tagliaterra Monday, April 01, 2013 12:57:13 PM Are you friggin kinding me........
John Tratthen John Tratthen Monday, April 01, 2013 1:05:03 PM This society is f@#ked up!!!
Richard Stratton Richard Stratton Monday, April 01, 2013 1:15:47 PM James-Its April 1; if you read the full article you will spot the faked names!
Wayne Dickinson Wayne Dickinson Monday, April 01, 2013 1:23:38 PM lol
Tony Chambers Tony Chambers Monday, April 01, 2013 1:24:51 PM I agree with Johnny...Has to be an April fools prank.
Chris Collins Chris Collins Monday, April 01, 2013 1:27:56 PM Ridiculous
Paul Skip Rudy Paul Skip Rudy Monday, April 01, 2013 1:48:48 PM You have got to be kidding....but look where it comes from...NY.
Mac Attack Mac Attack Monday, April 01, 2013 2:06:43 PM LMAO what an April fools joke.
Sean Johnson Sean Johnson Monday, April 01, 2013 2:06:58 PM Kinder gentler is the way of the future.
Catherine Johnson Catherine Johnson Monday, April 01, 2013 2:15:57 PM I think I might commit arson just to hear C3PO coming.
Neal Russell Neal Russell Monday, April 01, 2013 2:31:27 PM Lol
Jerry Pappy Lee Jerry Pappy Lee Monday, April 01, 2013 2:49:50 PM They are ineffective do to IGNORANT drivers!!!!!!!!
Kevin Dailey Kevin Dailey Monday, April 01, 2013 3:02:46 PM I think this might be another April Fool prank, But still not as good as the on a couple of years ago on the AFG Grant noe that was a good one. LOL
Ned Bates Ned Bates Monday, April 01, 2013 3:03:15 PM These will NEVER be heard with the majority of drivers too irresponsible and bored to give full attention to driving by 1) wearing earbuds/headphones listening to anything, or 2) on their cellphones, or 3) making THIS sound their ringtone.
Chris Anderson Chris Anderson Monday, April 01, 2013 3:28:42 PM About time. Sirens are just too noisy. Sometimes can't hear my radio over them.
Harry Rampe Harry Rampe Monday, April 01, 2013 3:30:59 PM In the summer we have a lot of hasidcts.Could ours be in yiddish? LOL
Mike Hawks Mike Hawks Monday, April 01, 2013 4:25:58 PM The lead researcher is a genuis.
Colin Kearney Colin Kearney Monday, April 01, 2013 4:57:57 PM Massive bumper=battering ram.
Chad Mills Chad Mills Monday, April 01, 2013 5:02:18 PM Chris Anderson you freaking idiot u are not suppose to hear your radio over them, that's the point. Idiotic fools like you are what makes our job harder
Peter Bonanno Peter Bonanno Monday, April 01, 2013 5:04:14 PM LOUD IS GOOD!
Ed Lottermoser Ed Lottermoser Monday, April 01, 2013 5:38:30 PM What thr " F " is this world coming to? Isn't political correctness wonderful?
Allison Katherine Kraus Allison Katherine Kraus Monday, April 01, 2013 5:58:07 PM Haha. It's an April Fools joke, Grandpa.
Tj Ralston Tj Ralston Monday, April 01, 2013 6:45:35 PM I hope it's an April Fools joke.....
Andrew Wittenstein Andrew Wittenstein Monday, April 01, 2013 6:50:46 PM I also heard we now have to remove our boots before walking on the homeowner's carpets.
Cody Olive Cody Olive Monday, April 01, 2013 6:53:58 PM April Fools
Ann Belser Ann Belser Monday, April 01, 2013 7:23:41 PM Happy April Fools day. .
Edward Walsh Edward Walsh Monday, April 01, 2013 7:39:24 PM This is probably an April Fools joke, but isn't amazing how it could be real!
Aaron Sorensen Aaron Sorensen Monday, April 01, 2013 8:05:07 PM I vote for Denis Leary.......
Simon Amos Simon Amos Monday, April 01, 2013 10:24:21 PM Can we include the Shit Ray .
Courtney Mae Menard Courtney Mae Menard Tuesday, April 02, 2013 6:22:28 AM Are you kidding me! Sorry but as a firefighter..... This would NOT work in my town!
Clarence A. Buck Clarence A. Buck Thursday, April 04, 2013 2:06:46 PM Only some dumb ass from England would thnk of something this stupid. I have been in New York before and I have seen 6 Fire Trucks going the other direction I was going traffic was heavy and I seen everyone getting out of their way I don't know where they went but I watched and never seen one truck slow down or stop. plus watched 7 squad cars going up the road by the piers and never seen one of those slow down or stop for someone to get out of their way. So I guess some people are so stupid they don't know what day it is or where they are at.
Dave Davenport Dave Davenport Monday, April 08, 2013 1:15:23 AM You have got to be kiddin.
Michael Taylor Michael Taylor Saturday, April 27, 2013 11:59:09 PM I just can't see it working.
Aaron Crow Aaron Crow Sunday, April 28, 2013 12:06:24 AM Kidding me right?? Ill never run code!!!
Michael Ehrman Michael Ehrman Tuesday, April 01, 2014 1:05:01 PM And I need you to please move to the side as while I hope you are indeed, having a good day, another person is not, therefore I must come to their aid. Please stand aside. Good Day!

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