Firefighting group pushes to cut Ben Franklin's hair

The fringe group calls Franklin's locks a disgrace to the service and are bent on righting history

WASHINGTON — A push among some firefighters that is gaining momentum would take one of the country's founding fathers to task, and to the barbershop.

The group Firefighters Lobbying Against Knuckleheaded Extremist Styles is actively lobbying Congress for legislation giving it the right to alter all images of Ben Franklin.

At issue is his shoulder-length hair, says a FLAKES spokesman. The group, which operates out of a 1950s era backyard bomb shelter, says today's digital technology would allow them to alter every image of Franklin.

Their aim, says the FLAKES spokesman, is to give Franklin a proper flattop military haircut. FLAKES has several artist renditions of how they want Franklin to look.

The group says it got the idea when stories of an English firefighter in a flap over whether or not he could wear a ponytail made its way across the Atlantic. The group says that Franklin, considered the father of volunteer firefighting, should also be forced to look like everybody else.

When asked if the group was advocating a society as George Orwell laid out in his book "1984", the FLAKES spokesman said, "I don't know who this Orwell fellow is, but if he needs a proper haircut, we'll give him one."

About the author

"The Spoof" comedy section brings together fake, fictitious and entirely made-up "news" articles by the FireRescue1 team of staff writers and columnists. Want to get creative? Send us your news story satires to

  1. Tags
  2. Weird News

Recommended for you

Join the discussion

logo for print