DETROIT — Detroit police are rounding up everyone ever busted for impersonating a firefighter, but not to toss them in jail. The city’s plan: hire them as surrogate firefighters.
A report obtained from the mayor’s office calls for the city to hire the impersonators to work 25 hours per week and pay them minimum wage. These nonunion, untrained part-time employees are expected to make up 20 percent of the firefighting force in six months.
While minimum wage may seem like low compensation for pretending to do such a dangerous job, most fake firefighters are happy enough just getting to hit on women and heckle cops while wearing department t-shirts and turnouts.
Having several firefighter-like people on scene will reassure residents and make them feel safe, the report said, while allowing the city to stay within a limited budget.
The plan calls for training the firefighter impersonators to stand on scene pretending to talk into fake radios, huddle together over maps and plan books and take a knee in the rehab area.
The goal, it said, is to train them to look like they are doing something without actually putting themselves in harm’s way.
There will be a paramilitary command structure with officer impersonators overseeing firefighter impersonators to ensure that no one does any firefighting work that could elevate the city’s liability risk.