Boundary up!
I use this phrase a lot with my clients, using the word “boundary” as both a noun and a verb. There are times when we need to remind ourselves that a boundary needs to be in place before dealing with a situation or a person.
What is a boundary, really?
A boundary isn’t a moving line in the sand or a punishment. It’s a psychological barrier — a layer of imagined armor that shields the parts of you that are more sensitive to others’ words, emotions or behavior. It helps you respond instead of react.
What is a boundary used for?
Anything you need. Firefighters use boundaries for:
- Shutting down unnecessary arguments
- Protecting quiet time during breaks
- Keeping family time off-limits from work calls
- Deflecting teasing or criticism that doesn’t serve a purpose
Think of it as deciding what gets in and what stays out — not just physically, but emotionally.
Do I need a boundary?
If you feel less stressed after saying any of the following, it’s a sign you need a boundary:
- It’s not my job to fix others
- It’s OK if others get angry
- It’s OK to say “no”
- I have a right to my own feelings
- It’s my job to take care of me
- Nobody needs to agree with me
If any of these feel like a relief, your armor might be overdue.
| WELLNESS RESOURCES: 10 red flag phrases that signal first responders are struggling with stress
How to build a boundary
Setting a boundary begins internally, with intention and visualization. Here are four steps to guide you in this process:
- Pause and breathe — wait for a calm moment. This can’t be done under duress.
- Visualize your wall — brick, glass, stone — whatever feels strong. Some walls may have holes (for trusted people).
- Picture the interaction —feeling secure with the wall and the words or stress bouncing off.
- Repeat as needed — over time, it becomes automatic.
Can you adjust or drop a boundary?
Yes. You’re in charge. You may let some people through the wall. You may decide certain walls aren’t needed anymore. The goal isn’t to isolate — it’s to manage how much access people have to your energy and emotions.
Why boundaries matter in the fire service
A fire career exposes you to human crisis, confrontation and emotional overload — often in a single shift. Boundaries aren’t about avoidance. They’re about showing up clear-headed and emotionally intact. They help you leave work at work, stay connected at home and avoid emotional shutdown over time.
Training tip
Use the phrase “Boundary up” like you’d say “Vest on.” It’s a reminder to protect yourself — not just physically, but mentally. Boundaries won’t fix every problem, but they will keep you from absorbing things that aren’t yours to carry.
WATCH | The impact of shift work on wellness
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Karen Williams brings heart, humor, and a deep well of experience to her role as a Crisis Support Specialist within the Flower Mound Police Department, where she’s been serving since August 2023. Known around the department not only for her compassionate approach and interpersonal check-ins but also for her monthly newsletter, “The Arsenal.” Appropriately named, as she presents an array of resources, tools and helpful insight to ensure officers stay strong — mentally, emotionally and physically.
Karen has been a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) since 2020, with a broad background that bridges the clinical world and law enforcement support. She is a Certified First Responder Counselor, oversees the Department’s Peer Support Team and conducts CISMs (Critical Incident Stress Management) interventions when necessary. She also specializes in Child & Adolescent Counseling and Adult and Trauma Counseling, as well as Trauma and Coercive Control Advocacy. These unique specializations afford her a wealth of knowledge that she utilizes daily in her role within the Police Department, also serving as a Crime Victim’s Liaison.
