BELUGA, NY — Firefighters with the 31st Hook and Ladder Company of Beluga are picketing the local retail supplier of DirecTV. Several firefighters stood in front of Bill’s Television and Appliance carrying picket signs and chanting, “DirecTV lies.” The fire department invested $300 from the station’s discretionary fund for satellite television and a TiVo digital recording system.
Chief Willie Randolph said, “We were excited about the system. But, Bill at the television shop lied to us. We wanted to be able to forward past the commercials when the Yankees are playing.”
An exasperated Bill Dimitrio, owner of Bill’s Television and Appliance said, “I just can’t believe this. They want to fast forward through the commercials when the game is actually being played.
“The commercials have not yet occurred! I tried to explain that the TiVo cannot change the laws of the universe. The only way they can fast forward through commercials is to record the game first.”
Lt. Scott Williams, a 25-year volunteer, stated, “Bill is trying to cover his tracks. I remember him saying that we could fast forward through commercials with the TiVo. We tried and tried and the thing won’t work. We were better off with our Emerson VCR.”
Dimitrio even had his son, a volunteer firefighter at a neighboring department, go to the Beluga Fire House and demonstrate how the TiVo works. He stated, “I showed them. They were more confused. I started to explain the whole concept of the space-time continuum and they all got up and went to the kitchen and made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I give up.”
The pickets will continue until the next Yankees game.